The Church of WL
And now a reading from the Book of Whoseline, in the first chapter, beginning with the first verse...
In the beginning, there was nothing. Then the television demi-urge said "let there be humor". And there was. But the demi-urge saw that while the humor was okay, it could be better. So the demi-urge of television sayeth to the hallowed Channel 4, "make something that is funny".
So it came to pass, that from the heavens there came a great broadcast. And lo, the Essence of Clive was upon the airwaves. And it was damn good.
And yeah, with a great buzzing and many points that matter not, Whose Line is it Anyway was upon the lands on both sides of the pond.
Here endeth the Lesson,
Thanks be to Colin.(Andrew R.)
The Second Lesson ...
And in the later days it was found that persons emergèd from the hallowèd Whoseline, and those did become the Prophets! And so, Danielus Filius Patteri did create them, male and female, Ryan and Colin, Antonius and Iohannes, Carolina and Iosephina, Stephanus and Petrus, Paulus, Michaelis, Iacobus and Sandi. And from those persons spouted forth comedy. Suddenly, there sprang forth from a spider's web, disciples. They were callèd the Cuiusisti, which translateth into the English tongue as Whosers. They were possessèd by a daemon which compellèd them to shout loudly and fall into a swoon at the mere mention of a Prophet. These Disciples assemble still today, and the following groweth yet.
Here endeth the lesson.
Thanks be to Paulus(Lucinda/Nat)
The Third Lesson ...
And lo, ten years had passed now, with the prophets of comedy bringing laughter and joy to the land of England, with a lot of it ending up in America and Canada, as well.
And a prophet named Ryan the Tall was bringing scripted laughter to America and Canada along with his friend, Drew the Guy Whose Show Gets Good Ratings. And it came to pass that Drew said unto Ryan, "We should do an American version of Whose Line!"
And they went out into the world and found Dan the Hat Trick, who was attempting to bring his message of laughter into an American TV studio, to no avail. And they said unto him, "Let us help you." And they went unto the ABC executives, who were very saddened. Oh, how saddened they were!, for their ratings were in the cellar. And Drew appeared before them, and said, "Let me be an evangelist of comedy unto this bleak continent, and I will bring forth ratings such as are never seen in the blazes of summer!" And the executives did fall at his feet and cry with happiness.
And so Drew, Ryan and Dan went forth, and found some of their prophets: Colin the Canadian, Greg the Stand-Up, and Brad the studmuffin. And they found new, willing prophets: Wayne the Singer, Kathy the Popular, and Karen the Character Actress. And lo, they did build a new temple at KTLA studios, so very near the hallowed Hollywood sign, and they did bring forth Whosers, as well as many others from across the land who had gathered to hear their message of laughter.
And it came to pass that only 5 long weeks later, the mesage of laughter filled the televisions of America and Canada, and there was a great happiness. And the executives did see the ratings, and they did weep with joy. And they did call upon Drew and say unto him, "We'll renew your show!" And there was a great cry of happiness and laughter across the land.
Here endeth the lesson
Praise be to the Bespectacled One.(Julie)
Addendum ... (obscure reference included*G*)
And lo the one named Colin the Canadian did oftentime preach the good word, and he sayeth "And the Lord did say: Let there be one God and let him be the one who is not you.
And Ryan the Tall did hear these words and heed them.
(Sylvie)
The Fourth Lesson ...
And Lo, a group of the disciples came to the North, and when they came there they saw the light, for it was told throughout the land that the prophet Colin the Canadian, walked through their realms and performed his miracles there.
So these followers, the whoser disciples, did go, and they didst follow Colin, through the great Supertown, and to the mountain where the advocate's of the Devil did reside. And they found good, for not only did they get to see the great prophets, but they met many other prophets of the discipline called The Comedy of Canada.
And for both the prescence and learning from the disciple of WLiiA, Colin the Canadian, and the knowledge of the discipline of TCoC, there was much rejoicing.
Here Endeth the Lesson.
Thanks be to the prophets.(Jessie)
The Drew Testiment ...
After a time, it came to pass that the New Land across the pond did like WLiiA?. Upon seeing this, the demi-urge of television did say "Go. Go great show, unto ABC."
And it did and it was good.
But the Essence of Clive did not follow WLiiA? and so it came to pass that Drew of His Own Sitcom did sitteth behind the desk with the Holy Buzzer. As he did sit, he um, did dispence, um, the Holy Games and the Points that Matter Not.
And it was Good.
Here Endeth the Lesson
Amen.(Andrew R)
An Australian Disciple speaketh......
And there were disciples too in far flung realms, And the Australianites did call to the powers that be, 'Oh Pray, let us see this Drew's Testament on TV', and woe, the resounding answer came down 'Not bloody likely', For a plague had been cast upon the Australianites, a foul beast known as 'contractual obligations' and lo, they must wait......
And the Australianites did wait, 40 days and 40 nights and still no luck, so they waited again, but alas some had lost faith and said : 'Stuff this, I'm goin' down the Pub', but the true disciples wait in quiet contemplation for the Drew Testament and for regrowth on the shiny pate of 'He with no neck', with little reservation.
'Don't follow false teachings' And Dan Patterson's warning was sent that the disciples should not be reticent, for it was foretold that the Dark Forces (known as 'Kwik Witz') would appear and sayeth: 'Take this, it is improvised' but the Australianites replied: 'Not bloody likely'.
And the Dark Forces were cast asunder, but one of their number was retained, and Yea verily, he was redeemed and returned in the form of the Arch Angel Wayne, who did serenade the lovely Ashley, and the disciples wept, for it was heavenly...
And the Australianites did light Twiglets in prayer that 'Drew's Line' would soon be there but they were overcome by toxic fumes and taken off to hospital.
(Michelle)
The Book of Jobs
And lo, the people saw that it was good. And so the ABC, although unwilling to partake of the goodness without the name of the Drew, chose the wisdom of renewal. As the show begat the ratings, the ratings begat more Whose Line in an infinite circle of mirth. And the people rejoiced.
Here endeth the lesson.
(Mark)
And the Swooner does Preacheth a chapter of WL Truth ...
And lo, the Disciples, Whosers by name, known to the Prophets as Nuts, known to the BritAngel Daniel Pattersoni as Nuisance; these People did go forth unto the City of the Angels and there, under a multitude of bright Lights, they did Sit and Beckon for the Prophets to come forth with Chants; and the Chants did go-est "Hi-Dee-Hi-Dee-Hi-Dee-Hi" and the Chants did becomest Locked into their minds for all Eternity, but they did not Dispair, for they knew that soon the Prophets would come forth unto Them; and soon did enter the BritAngel Daniel and he did Speak unto them and his Words did Boreth them, but they did Rejoice for they knew the Prophets were near; and the BritAngel Daniel did call forth Drew the Bad Improviser who did Telleth a multitude of Fowl jokes, but they did Raise up laughter for they knew that he was the Way of the Prophets; and Drew the Portly did call forth the Prophets one by One; and there was a Multitude of screaming and Swooning; and the Prophets did begin to spread the Word and the Word was Good and often in the form of a Question; and the disciples did Laugh; and Laugh did beget Laugh that did beget Laugh that beget Laugh that beget Laugh, that did beget Laugh that did beget Laugh that beget Laugh that beget Laugh that did beget Laugh that did beget Laugh that beget Laugh that beget Laugh that did beget Laugh that did beget Laugh that beget Laugh that beget Laugh..............
(Ashley)
The True Fortellings ...
And so it was as it had been fortold, long days ago, when the disciples known as the Whosers had found each other in the wastelands of the realm known as the Internet. And Lo, it was in these lands that these disciples did gather together, and as one fortold the day when they should gather together outside of this realm, in the lands of RL. There were many premonitions of such travels, and Lo they were so, and they were true.
For the disciples did travel forth among these lands, gathering in congregations in the City of Angels, the oh-so-lovely region of Hamilton, and Toronto, the realm of the too-tall tower, its' own Babel.
And in these areas they did form congregations, that did follow the prophets and hear of their words, bringing gifts of quills, for use in receiving the Prophet's blessings, and gifts of the bright light, for to receive their icons.
And the disciples were pleased with the reality of the fortelling, and the joys of the Prophets.
Here endeth the lesson.
(Jessie)
The Story of the IRC ...
In the beginning, the gifted Whoser, She of Many Names, created the channel in the world of many known as IRC, and it was good. Soon the Whosers gathered at the tenth hour past to teach the new and discuss. When the moon was full and the time was right, the Whosers were blessed and imitated the Greater Disciples.
However, happiness was not to be as out of the plague of the modern netscape came a beast, so twisted and torrid which made Sessions cry out in fear. Born unto the world was the Lag Beast, with a maw that attacked the innocent unsuspectingly. With his great strength he store the network, splitting the Whosers, lost on two sides of a sinking ark. Then Nick led the migration from the ways of the old to the new world of WorldIRC. And it was good.
But lo, do not rest on this victory! For the lag beast is being bred again... one day, he will live again and strike.
Here endeth the lesson.
Praise be to the One of No Neck.(Dan)
The Tale of the Season-Ending : Alpha and Omega, we pray.
And lo, the swooner didst travel to the great land of lights, and with her didst go the transcribing saint, and the RH crossover woman, and the quiet woman and the woman who claimed to be the transcribing priestess and claimed the saint was actually a goddess. And they didst travel to the land of the lights, and what they saw there, all knew of. For there came a torrent of words, as they spoke in tongues too vastly familiar, and they didst rage for 40 days and 40 nights afterwards. And then some.
And the prophets were there, and lo they came like shadows in the night, and didst surprise the earstwhile disciples, and they did surrender to the force of WL early with a gasp, but none were afraid. For they now were in the presence of those most high, and could rejoice. And they didst wander the hallowed halls of the Improv, of AhhhhhCapella, and of Acme, all among the City of Angels. And they feared no evil, for the presence of the prophets had made it good.
And they didst go to the great chapel of the studio, and there they didst meet Page Fabian the On-A-Stick, and they did rejoice. And they didst take the papers of signing-your-life-away from Page Mae, and they didst smile at her, and her at them, for they knew what was to come. And although their faith was tested, yeah verily, by those who would comment about how they understood how these disciples did rave, as they did the same when talking about God ... with hesitant gulps and prayers to that heaven they didst pass that trial, and they didst enter the chapel of WL.
And lo, again the music did play, and the sounds of hi de hi de hi de hi did fill the room, and the disciples knew the place was right. And throughout their pilgrimige they didst chant along, until the end, where to their shock and amazement a new sound didst ring forth from the player of CDs. And they were amused.
And those who were in the know didst sing along with the new music, and the song did go "Take me down to the paradise city", and they laughed, for they were amused.
And the disciples didst play with their hair, and their looks, and endure the moching from the Prophet Colin, for they didst hear the music speak of the girls who are pretty, and didst want to follow their example. For the Prophet Ryan the Tall had promised them manna, and they wished to be prepared for that fulfillment.
And they didst go, and they didst fret, and proclaim loudly to each other that Ryan the Tall had called them, so those who called themselves pages wouldst not rid them of their joy. And as they fretted, lo, a voice called out from the heavens, saying "he says you can come in now". And with a flurry of motion, the disciples didst do the bidding, and enter. What followed after is of high importance, words too holy to put to ink.
Here endeth the lesson.
Thanks be to the dearest Cast
The Lost IRC Scrolls ...
And lo ... throughout the ages there were whispers of lost remnants of the Church's teachings. Proclaimed through the world of IRC these had been, but in scraps and fragments of word and tone, pieces of lore that fit not together, but in themselves brought part of the Word to the people. And the disciples didst work to gather them together, and the Saint of Transcription didst record the following small passages which didst raise the Word again ..
*****
And amongst the prophets there was one known as Steve the Happy. For he didst smile all the time, so joyous was he in appearance, like a big friendly dog. But no moch was that, for indeed he was of talent, and many didst wish that this prophet should re-emerge from the shadows and bless the disciples with his presence once again.
*****
And newly among the prophets did rise like a star Prophet Wayne the MusicMan. He didst shine amongst the new contenders so brightly that they didst name him a golden child, and he didst come among the prophets, and they were pleased. As were the disciples, who followed this new prophet as well, with eager smiles and ears. For this prophet was unusual in other ways, for not only was he bright he had been kin to the disciples at one time, and still hadst not acclimatized to his new position amongst the stars. So he didst still rave over the disciples, as they raved over him. And both sides were amazed, and happy. And it was good.
*****
And amongst the prophets now back in the shadows was one known as Rory the Imitator. His voice was familiar, aye, for it was that of many voices, as he could speak in tongues at will. And he didst bring laughter, and Roger Moore, to the disciples, and they were amused, and didst laugh long, and didst recognize his words in whatever tongue they were uttered, for these words were holy, and as disciples they didst follow.
*****
And amongst them, hidden half in shadows for he had not been departed so long, was Prophet Mike, he of the large voice and larger laughter. With an unapproached jovial tongue he didst carve out a role in song and in playful talk, and didst ignore all insults with a shake of his head and a brush of his handkerchief.
*****
And the Great Dan didst want to spread the realm, and didst call out to the other lands. There, Ryan the Tall was already beginning to break new ground, and he didst meet Drew the Sitcom Star. And he didst say "Drew, this is good" And Drew saw that it was good. And he didst go to the powerful beings of ABC and didst say "Let it be". And they didst listen to Drew, and he didst become a prophet. Although different than Clive, still in his own way a host. And because he didst draw the realm into a larger sphere, he was forgiven for his shortcomings, and Drew the Sitcom Star became one.
*****
And amongst the disciples, or in fact above, was Ryan the Tall, who didst stand out even amongst these prophets of great stature. He didst stretch back amongst the years, remaining a stalwart face amongst the prophets, always among them, always bringing laughter and odd expressions, both to himself and the others. And he didst bring the word across the sea, and didst help spread the realm, and in doing so gained titles, but always remained a prophet to the people. And they were overjoyed, for he didst continue his old ways, both in laughter and in impudence to the Great Dan. And all was good.
*****
And amongst the disciples, almost as stalwart as Ryan the Tall, didst come Colin the Canadian, friend to that prophet. Already blessed by his origin, he didst add to that blessing by bringing laughter and joy. And with it a gentle politeness and humbleness that in those combinations did bring a flock of disciples to his name. That laughter and the kindness all in one great package didst bring the disciples joy. And they watched him in awe, laughter and happiness infusing them, making them less annoying in their awe then they were in their apologetic nature, and they didst smile and apologize again for apologizing. And he didst smile, and laugh, and moch them, but always it was good, for he brought the disciples closer to the prophets, and for that they blessed him mightily.
*****
And amongst the prophets, there was one prophetess who didst stand out, and return many times. And she was Prophet Josie, of the weaving of songs and the famous hair and the famous smile. And the male disciples didst cheer, for she was a rare flower, and didst raise them with her voice, and raise the laughter of the prophets in general with her voice. And they named it good, and waited to see if she too wouldst fade into those shadows.
*****
And amongst the smiling visages of the prophets was one who didst not smile, but it still was good. For this was Prophet Paul, who was known for that sullen disposition, but who still hid behind it a sharp wit and a laughing mind, which didst provoke the disciples into laughter. Although he didst flounder at those tasks which did involve the Prophet Richard, he excelled at those that involved Prophet Josie at least in banter, and that acerbic wit didst etch a place in the history.
*****
And lo, the Northern Copying Saint, Saint Lori of Tape-Sending, did turn to the transcribing saint (goddesshood under advisement *L*) and she did say "speak". And the transcribing saint didst open her mouth, and words fell like a torrent. And then Saint Lori didst pitch Saint Jessie out of the airplane ... and that was the end. :)
*****
And again, amongst the prophets now faded into shadows unknown, was one known as Sandi the Short. Although she didst not appear great in stature, she didst make her presence known, for she had her power elsewhere, with puns and sharp innuendos to pierce the ego, especially to those who dared base her stature upon her appearance. And with those she didst bring laughter. And it was good, and the disciples did rejoice, and didst feel disappointment when she didst disappear.
****
And lo, there was among the great prophets, the Prophet Greg the Stand-up. With pointed remarks and sharp tongue he didst carve out a following among the disciples, who saw his cunning, his wit and his style, and knew it was good. And they didst follow him to exotic locales, like Cobbs, and they didst smile, and laugh, and laugh loudly, and it was good. His glasses reflected his knowledge and his words of wisdom rang throughout as a slogan to those disciples, Proclaiming "I don't f***ing hardly think so"
****
And among the Prophets was one known as Tony of Innuendo, for within his wit was hidden, often not well, inneundo of the darkest kind, which never failed to get a giggle. And even though his decency was sometimes questioned, or at least his clothing was, his humour was never so taken, for it was good. And the disciples did laugh, and gasp, and didst enjoy the Innuendo and the devilish gleam from this Prophet, and proclaimed it bad, but in an oh-so good way.
****
And with the coming of the expanded realm of WL came more prophets, and among them came another prophetess, Prophet Denny, who far excelled the place of Whoser Lore that shared her name. Quick and funny, she joined the ranks, and the disciples smiled, for she was good, although they wished to plead to the Great Dan to let the world see her talent in music as much as they would in all else once she didst come into light. But they didst wait patiently, for it was good, and they could hope for it to become better.
****
And with the passing of one of talented hands, came another of talented hands and tapping feet, known as Prophetess Laura. And she didst lay down a backbeat pleasant, and from her hands and instruments did come notes sweet, that it raised a smile from even those most stalwart supporters of Prophet Richard, for she was worthy to share his role. And no matter if playing for one, or for two, the rhythm she kept strong, and the disciples didst clap along.
****
In the beginning, there was laughter. And it was good. And leading the disciples into the light was he of no neck, no hair, but full of charm and wit, Prophet Clive the Host. He didst help found the church of WL, and didst lead the prophets to the world. Reassuring them with his praise, controlling them with his banter, and rewarding him with his points. :)
****
And although only of a few times, one presence didst make himself known as a prophet, that of Prophet Stephen. And he didst amuse with his dry voice and humour, bewildered looks, and his odd way of counting. Even his rhythm, although off and slowly paced, was of clever meter and rhyme that it still managed to fit and brought laughter. Although different, it was good. And all was good, so the disciples did smile and laugh, and follow this prophet as well.
****
And among the prophetesses there was one known as Caroline, who didst with a small smile turn the innuendos back upon the prophets, and didst even cause them to look on in surprise, and even cause them to leave her presence in their shock. For she was bold. But in this boldness there was humour, and the disciples didst giggle, and full out laugh, and she didst smile again and all was good.
A Prayer for the Season Premiere
My fellow congregants, I welcome you on this, the most holy of all days in our church. For tonight is the night that the prophets will again begin to spread their message of laughter across the land. We must join televisions in the hope that everyone on this vast continent will hear the message and rejoice.
Let us pray:
"We turn to you, Lord Nielsen. We bring you the offering of comedy and humor. Please bless it with your ratings, and deliver high praise from your disciples, the critics.
We ask that you bring the show to hights above that of it's lead-in, the most holy Drew Carey Show, and skyrocket it to reaches far, far beyond those for which The Secret Lives of Men never even dreamed.
Most of all, we ask that you bring the blessed sounds of laughter to each and every household, and that the sounds reach the ears of those who wield power at ABC. Let them hear the cries that emanate from all, "More! More!"
Amen.
Praise be to the Bespectacled One.(Julie)
Addendum to the prayer :
Amen to that! And the Whosers looked at the sacred screen, and watched as mirth spread throughout the land, especially in the hallowed land to the north of the Heavenly 49th. The Whosers saw it all, and it was good.
Thanks be to the Handsome One
(Mystic)
Friends, this is a time of sorrow and gladness. In the great land across the pond, the once holy BBC will no longer be blessed with Clive of the No Neck. Indeed, the seed of our delight has been packed away from our site, plunging us into darkness.
But the is hope for us, the Faithful. For ABC and Drew of the Coke-bottle Glasses stand steady against the impending night. Though we will never again hear songs of ill-used teddy bears, take heart in the knowledge that the name Whose Line Is It Anyway shall not fade from the world and leave us adrift.
And now, with the knowledge of the Blessing of St. Colin, let us pray...
Rev. Andrew Ripley, Church of Whose Line
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